I have mixed feelings on weddings, and like most of my opinions on other matters, I'm constantly changing my mind. When I was little I just took it as matter-of-fact that I would grow up, meet someone awesome and get married. Once I actually got into the dating world I started realizing that the "meeting someone awesome" part was a bit more challenging then my 7-year old self had realized. Actually, in all fairness, meeting awesome people isn't hard, it's meeting awesome people that I'm compatible with long-term that's challenging. Anyways, when my parents got divorced and then later as I started having more long-term relationships, it made me really think about the sustainability of marriage. Sure, people can get married for ever and ever and be happy, I know folks like that. I'm not sure if that's what I want though. For me, I feel like the beauty of life is the fact that we're always evolving, always having new experiences that change the way we see the world and what we hope to get from our time here. I can remember how passionate I was about becoming a forensic pathologist when I first started college. That was my biggest dream, I would read everything I could find on the subject and I knew that I could devote the rest of my life to that and be completely happy. Over the next two or three years though, I slowly changed the type of person I was. The thought of working in that field was still interesting to me, but somewhere along the way I lost my passion for it. It's not that I didn't REALLY want to be a forensic pathologist to begin with, I did. I just changed. It's normal. Now I'm in a job that offers a lot of flexibility. I can travel, I can work in an office or hospital or school, whatever appeals to me at the moment. It's a much better fit for me. I feel the same way about relationships. It sounds a bit pessimistic, but I can't imagine myself with one person for the rest of my life. For me, I think relationships are about sharing a PART of my life. The type of person who I need in my life right now may be very different than the type of person I need ten years from now. As me and my partner change, what we need/want in someone else changes too. I think this is normal, and I wouldn't want to try to force longevity from a relationship when it makes more sense for us to find new partners. That doesn't mean I don't want a long-term relationship. I still want someone I can share myself with and raise a family with, it just might mean that while we start out as a couple, we may end as friends/co-parents.
Anyway, that's an awfully long way of saying that I don't really want to get married. I think it sets people up for an expensive and potentially ugly divorce, and if my partner and I are splitting up I don't want any legal mumbo jumbo making it harder than it already is. I'd rather that we were forced to keep civil with one another since we didn't have a legal system to do the dirty work of communicating and negotiating for us. Getting off track again. I don't want to get married. That being said, I find other people's weddings FASCINATING. You really want to spend 10-20k for one day? You're really willing to sign a contract promising to stay with this person no matter what? Even if they cheat on you? Even if you're miserable and want to leave? I don't think all people take marriage seriously, divorce is a safety net and they know it. This isn't the unbreakable contract that it used to be, you're basically just agreeing to give it a go and if it doesn't work, you'll move on to divorce. That seems kind of ridiculous to me. I know at least three people in the last five years who before their weddings said something to the effect of "Well, they're not what I wanted in an ideal partner, but it's they're okay." o_0
ANYWAY, I keep rambling on about my own crap, obviously I have heavy opinions on this subject. This is actually supposed to be a happy post :) I love other people's weddings. I love the crazy elaborateness of them, I love the ridiculous stress for something completely unnecessary, I love the drama. What I truly, truly love though is the simple, cheap wedding that centers a little more around the core of marriage. You don't need photographers and tuxes and live bands. You need to sign a contract and have dinner with your friends to celebrate the huge commitment you just agreed to. And that brings me to my Guatemalan wedding.
I have to say that I've been nothing but lucky since I've been here. Awesome opportunities keep getting thrown in my lap and this week was no different. You may recall that last month I was giving English lessons to my boss Tia Rosa and her "friend" Ezekial. Well, turns out that Ezekial is actually her boyfriend and surprise, now fiancee. Tia Rosa and I were walking around the grounds the other day when she casually mentioned that they were going to get married this month and I was invited to come. Amazing!!! What an great opportunity not only to show support for Tia Rosa, but also to see a true Guatemalan wedding!
She asked if I would mind bringing a few of our frequent-fliers from the clinic; naturally I didn't. Having the kids there actually added to the experience because this was the first wedding for all of them. It was cool that they were as excited as I was to see what it was going to be like.
All the pretty girls together!
One of the kids waiting for the wedding to start
Hannah, Martin and me waiting for the wedding
Tia Rosa arrives!
The wedding was held at the municipal building. I've never seen a municipal-wedding in the states, so I don't know how similar it was to what we do, but I'm guessing it was pretty similar. We all piled into a small room with lots of folding chairs/benches. Tia Rosa and Ezekial sat in two chairs in the front, facing a large desk where a secretary and some government dude was (justice of the peace?). He started off by giving a speech about the promise of marriage, how they were agreeing to be faithful to one another for the rest of their lives, even if they were living far apart. (It's possible that he added that because I don't think they'll be living together right away). After a while he said that they needed to say their vows. They both put their hands on this walking stick (sheathed sword?), stated their names and agreed to stay faithful. They then had to sign a big ledger.
After that they called up witnesses. I think this part was different than in the states because usually we have two people witness. Here, a whole line of people formed and signed the ledger. I didn't know if it was rude not to sign, but since I had no idea what we were signing for I stayed put.
After that they were announced man and wife, but there was no kissing involved. This was interesting to me because Guatemala is like PDA capital of the world (actually I think Central America in general is pretty PDA-friendly). You see people doing some HEAVY making out all over the place, kids and adults alike, so the fact that they didn't even peck each other after the wedding struck me as interesting.
After the wedding we followed them through the streets to a large hall that they had rented out. It was decorated really beautifully, I was totally impressed.
When we got settled in, we were served a plate of OMG delicious pulled pork and rice with home made tortillas. I took an amazing picture but one of the kids accidentally erased it while they were playing with my phone (I need to teach them the meaning of the word "delete" in English). We also had some horchata (one of my favorite drinks here, it's a type of sweetened rice milk). The dude in charge of AV at NPH came and acted as a DJ for the wedding, it was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, the grown-ups wanted a beer or two to celebrate and since half of them were employees of NPH, they couldn't do that in front of the kids, so immediately after eating we were asked to leave, lol. I wish I could have stayed for the adult part of the party (I had shined my dancing shoes just for this occasion) but seeing as how I was lucky to have been invited in the first place, I figured it made most sense for me to take the kids home and let the other staff stay for the party.
So, conclusions from the day: the wedding was remarkably similar to weddings in the US, I'll have to assume that their wedding music is as ridiculous as wedding music in the states since I didn't witness it. I had a conversation on the way with a volunteer from Germany (Nicole, the doctor) and a volunteer from Austria (Hannah, the physical therapist). We were talking about traditional wedding music in their countries and they both started talking about different types of waltzes. I showed them the chicken dance. Sometimes I'm embarrassed of the states ;)
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