Brady Bear

Feeling pretty shitty today, and even though this isn't really related to Guatemala, I wanted to share a bit. When I came here I had to leave my dog at home. My friend Tania and I had adopted him together from a rescue service a few years ago and co-parented him ever since. With her schedule she wasn't able to have him during the week that often, so he and I spent quite a bit of time together over the last two years. Leaving him with Tania permanently was a big adjustment for both of us, and definitely put a lot of stress on her but she made it work. We noticed before I left that his health was starting to go downhill and we had talked about getting him put down, but she wanted to wait a bit. The last week or two things really took a turn for the worse and the choice became clear. Brady got put down this morning.

I guess I'm just surprised about how hard this is hitting me. I've always been a realist when it came to Brady, and I was quick to draw the line on what I would and wouldn't do for him health-wise. He was an old dog (just a little older than 13) so I knew he wasn't going to stick around for a long time. I'm just a bit surprised by how much I'm feeling his loss. He wasn't a super cuddly dog, I always joked that he was more of a roommate than a pet, but he kept me company during some pretty rough times and he always made me smile. Whenever one of us had him for a really long time at our house and the other person came over to visit, he'd go crazy barking. It was one of the few times that he'd be super affectionate, and it was always so affirming. I had been looking forward to that when I came home to visit in June, to have him freak out and bark and bury his head between my knees like he loved to do. I'm feeling really sad today and also really guilty, guilty that I wasn't there to support him and say goodbye to him at the end, and guilty that I wasn't there to help with all the care he needed these last couple of weeks.

So, thinking about you where ever you are Monkey head. Hope you're getting to smell lots of random dogs, pee every three feet and show absolute disinterest in any person who wants to pet you.